Friday night Christian and I went out to dinner together and hit a children’s consignment sale to pick up a few things for fun. We got home around 8 and went to change clothes to walk to dog. We ended up both falling asleep immediately (the dog never got her walk). I had a long baby-prep to do list planned for Saturday!
Around 1am, Christian woke up and went to lock up downstairs. I took my allergy meds, and drank a big glass of water because I was feeling crampy. The baby had serious hiccups.
I woke up at 3:30 with what felt like menstrual cramps and went to the bathroom. I couldn’t get back to sleep, and around 4 my water broke. It started out as a very slow trickle that felt like I was just not controlling urine well. Then it started flowing much faster, much like typical urine flow, with any movement or change of position. The fluid was clear with a slightly pinkish tinge.
I ran to the bathroom and put on a maxi pad. At that point I first got really excited, and then spent about 20 minutes totally freaked out. I felt a little shaky and had a few rounds of diarrhea. I felt a few contractions that started at the top and moved downward. They were not comfortable, I wouldn’t have slept through them, but they certainly were fine. I could have walked, talked, or eaten through them. I also felt very cold, even after I put several extra layers on.
I went downstairs, wired. I did not want to wake Christian too early, knowing that we would not be getting much sleep for the next few days/weeks/years. I folded some laundry, wrote a note to my husband, and drank more water. I was very thirsty, but not really interested in food.
I had worked through the one maxi pad by 4:30, and the discharge was pinker. At that point I gave up on the pads and threw on a depends. (Brilliant suggestion, by the way, to have a box of slightly large depends on hand for use both pre and post delivery)
At 4:45 I was still getting contractions that felt menstrual, but were not bad at all. I had so much energy! I went back though the hospital bags and added some things, did dishes, put things away. I knew it was approaching an hour and I needed to wake Christian soon, but I was not quite ready to share. I was feeling energetic and excited.
I woke up Christian at 5:05. He was very excited. We took the dog for a long walk to try to increase the labor. It didn’t really affect things as much as I expected, but I got very hot even though it was 75 degrees out. When we got back, I called the midwife. Since we were full term and GBS negative, she said to come into the hospital when contractions were 5 minutes apart for an hour, that were difficult to talk through. By 8:30 I was having contractions five-to-seven minutes apart, but they were quite mild. I was able to talk and walk through them, just uncomfortable. We got things prepped around the house and went ahead and put our hospital bags in the car. I took a shower and got myself ready, uncomfortable, but quite functional. Contractions were still mild, but when they hit two to three minutes apart, we went ahead and headed for the hospital around 10:00 am. I was still feeling great and we made a bunch of phone calls along the way to let people know that we were heading in.
We got to the hospital and checked in. My favorite of the midwives on our team, Mary Ellen, was just coming on for a twenty-four hour shift, so we had added motivation to keep things moving. She checked the baby’s progress, and there had been very little. I was effacing, but only dilated a fingertip (less than a centimeter). This was quite frustrating, and they brought up the possibility of needing pitocin at this time. Standard of care is to deliver within 24 hours of the water breaking due to increased risk of infection past that time frame. The clock was ticking, but we were still hoping to get things moving without any interventions. I figured that I would progress best with minimum intervention, feeling less intruded upon, so I opted to wait on the hep-lock (IV starter).
Christian and I walked the halls of the maternity ward for four hours, pacing, stopping with each gradually building contraction. There was definitely growing strength, but a bit less frequency (back to 4-5 minutes apart); it felt like progress. We were stopped every thirty to forty five minutes for external monitoring (to listen to baby’s heartbeat through a contraction).
After four hours of walking, Mary Ellen checked again, and essentially no true progress had been made. The baby was a bit lower, but dilation had not progressed more than a centimeter. This was very upsetting. It also meant that pitocin was probably going to be necessary to get baby out within the recommended window. The nurse and midwife both assured me that they were not going to do anything I did not agree to, but the best way to a safe delivery was likely going to involve a bit of help.
I was quite tired at this point, too tired for having only been through 12 hours of pre-labor. I asked to take an hour to rest before starting the IV, but consented to the pitocin. Christian and I rested from 3-4, although it was a restless hour, it was of huge benefit down the road. There were many tears, but this gave me time to get things in perspective and get over my drug aversion. A little after 4, the nurse tried to start an IV for me. Note the “tried”. Two spots, two slippery veins. Two bruises. She ended up calling the vascular access specialists for the hospital. It took them awhile to arrive, but she stuck the IV quickly, first try. Finally, we were ready to start the IV and pitocin around 5:30. They started the pitocin drip at the absolute minimum dosage (with me asking if it could go any lower - the unit is two? can you do just one? can you start at half the minimum dose?).
Contractions started to pick up immediately, but at a manageable pace. I got progressively more uncomfortable as we paced around the nurses station. I quite walking the halls pretty quickly, because on pitocin you have to be on the monitor constantly. This means having to stay close. I felt like I was parading by the nurses every 5 minutes and they were looking at me. Not something I would enjoy on a regular day, but in labor I definitely wanted privacy. I paced in the room a bit more, then moved to a chair, sitting between contractions and squatting during, supporting myself with the arms of the chair. Christian stayed close and was attentive, helping me up and down, making sure I was drinking, and helping me juggle the IV tubes to move around and get to the bathroom. (Labor progresses best if mom hits the bathroom every thirty minutes, so this is a major task to assist.)
They had told me that they would up the pitocin roughly every half hour, but they took longer than that between increases, probably because things progressed quite rapidly and consistently after that. Within two hours of the start of the pitocin, I was in the zone. I moved to the birthing ball (a yoga/exercise ball) leaning over the foot of the bed. I don’t remember seeing the clock, or having any awareness of my surroundings other than Christian’s presence, the sound of the fetal heart monitor, and being very cold. I was freezing! They kept three warmed blankets on me most of the time, and every time I had to go to the bathroom I dreaded getting out from under them. With each contraction I needed Christian’s hands on my back and hips to focus and keep myself calm. I used various words to focus on the progress of labor, sometimes, “Open,” sometimes “Relax,” or when I felt anxiety rising, I recited the Our Father. I never felt that the baby was anxious, just ready to get moving. It took tremendous concentration to keep my mind and body calm through a contraction, but having a physical focal point with Christian and a mental focal point with a word or a prayer helped. If Christian asked me a question, or the midwife or nurse tried to talk to me as a contraction rose, it was miserable. It took all of my concentration to not let the pain sensation take over. On contractions when the pain took over, it was rather terrifying. (That then made it harder to focus on the next one.)
When the nurse came in to increase the pitocin for what turned out to be the last time, I asked her not to increase it at first! Then I apologized, saying I know that she knows what needs to happen to get the baby here safely, but I was not looking forward to another increase. I knew that the only way out was to get all the way through the experience! Pitocin was only increased three times, from 2 to 8. Contractions were about a minute out of every two, and the brevity of the breaks was the hardest part. It felt like one contraction didn’t quite go away all the way before the next one started. Sometime shortly after midnight, Christian helped me make my way to the bathroom yet again, but I found that I could not get myself up between contractions (because there wasn’t really an in between). I was also getting the urge to push, and misinterpreting it as a signal to go to the bathroom. He pulled the emergency cord, because I would not let him leave me to go get someone. Several nurses came in to help, and helped me off the toilet and to the bed. Mary Ellen came in and checked progress again. I remember saying to her that if I was at 4-5 cm, I wanted an epidural, that I couldn’t keep going for another eight hours like this.
She checked and I was approaching 8 cm. Almost there! She told me not to push yet, as pushing hurt, and I was not yet fully dilated. I asked her what the best position would be to move things along, and she had me turn over onto my knees, with my arms/chest resting on the raised head of the bed. It sounds really awkward, but at the time it felt very productive. It let gravity help the baby drop and kept me well supported. Christian stayed right next to me, and kept me drinking water. I remember the whole experience pretty clearly, even if I didn’t have much of a sense of time.
This was the hard part. The baby was trying to push out, but my body hadn’t opened up enough to make room. I wanted to push, but pushing was not comfortable. Fighting the urge to push was incredibly difficult. I never reached a point where there was no break between contractions, but they never entirely went away during that hour, either. Getting through this part was mostly prayer. I could feel the baby moving, and even popping in and out of my cervix.
At a certain point I realized that I was pushing and had no control, I couldn’t stop it. I told Christian, who told the nurse (because I could not really talk, but I could manage to convey a message to Christian). She came to check me, and announced that there was no need to check, the baby was crowning. She called the midwife quickly, but it felt like it took forever for her to get there. At least at this point I knew I didn’t have to fight the pushing, but I didn’t want the baby to fall and not have someone to catch!
Mary Ellen arrived, and gave me some instructions. They kept the lights low and the tone relaxed. I did not have to move at all, but I needed to push gently at first. That was not going to happen after over an hour of trying to not push. Basically I let go and let my body do what it wanted. Less than ten minutes after the midwife’s arrival, She was guiding him out. I felt a tear happen, but at that point I was just glad to feel like we were almost done. She guided his shoulders out and then let me take the baby the rest of the way out and bring him to my chest. They helped me turn over so that we could rest easily.
I was the first to see that baby was a him! The nurse asked, “How does she look?”, and I responded, “It’s a him!” It took a little rubbing and clearing his throat, but he picked up breathing on his own quickly, and only cried a bit. Christian looked at me, beaming, and immediately said, “William?” Christian was able to cut the umbilical cord, and we did end up being able to donate the cord blood. (Had he come two hours earlier they would not have been able to process it because of the weekend.)
William and I snuggled, while Christian took a million pictures. William had a great latch from the start, but didn’t suck much (which turned out to be a much bigger deal than we expected, but was not necessarily a problem right after birth). He was quite relaxed and content, but very alert. He didn’t cry much at all. He was and is such a relaxed and content baby!
We spent two nights at the hospital, and fortunately we never had to let William go without one of us going with him. Mommy got to see the hearing screening, and Daddy went along for the lab, shots, and circumcision. William had trouble regulating his body temperature in the first thirty-six hours, but he finally figured things out with plenty of time to head home. The folks took great care of us and coached us through lots of new parent skills. We didn’t get to see lactation until the morning we were heading home, which was unfortunate. The post-partum nurses and lactation were very helpful in getting us started with pumping, though, to help kick start Will's eating.
I was exhilarated, practically high for two days. I am not sure that I slept at all or really needed sleep until day three (when the physical and emotional crash hit). I had so much energy and I felt great. I didn’t need anything more than Tylenol to get me through.
I am so grateful that we were able to have such a positive birth experience, and I am even more grateful that our amazing son is here and healthy, and such a joy!
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